Guiding Principles For Significant Others

Your significant other has a weight loss program for which he/she has full responsibility.
There are a number of areas in which you can help but not direct. Therefore, you should try your utmost to:


Reduce, rather than increase, stress at home. Stress leads to an increased drive to eat, especially foods which are easier to swallow, such as junk foods. Your significant other is probably stressed by not being able to eat as much as before; remember, food can act like a tranquilizer and, when it is denied, they may act less tranquil. Just understand this and adapt to the new, more active behavior as a natural result of the weight loss. If you react to the increased activity, you will be stressing your significant other, yourself and any others who may be in your household.

Do not nag, complain or be negative. Nagging, complaining and being negative also lead to stress which leads to eating. Your significant other needs lots of positive support to help counter all the negative encounters in the past. Positive support means asking questions about their program when it appears there may be some problems such as eating sweets or fried foods. It does not mean taking charge and telling him/her what should and should not be eaten. This is his/her program, not yours; nagging, which includes, excessive suggestions or direction, is usually harmful. If there is a continuing problem which really concerns you, talk to the physician in charge of the program and ask for some advice. This problem will be kept in confidence.

Reduce temptation by keeping candies, chocolates, etc. out of sight. You must remember that if your significant other has had obesity surgery, the procedure helped control the amount of food absorbed by his/her body but it did not get rid of the disease of obesity. (This same idea applies to those in weight management programs.)The drive to eat to excess is still lurking somewhere beneath the surface and will be for life. Big people can be more easily triggered off by pictures, smells, even discussion of food, after they have lost weight. They may be OK for a long while but then they may begin to get serious food cravings again. For them, especially, "out of sight, out of mind" is the order of the day right from the start. Get all candies, chocolates, ice cream, non-diet sodas and other high-calorie junk foods out of the house and keep them out. Unfortunately, junk foods are the easiest to swallow and can do a lot of damage. If they must remain, they need to be well hidden and kept hidden for use by others.

Be sensitive to fears, physical and emotional needs. Thoughtfulness begets more of the same. This really means to be more thought-ful (full of good, positive, constructive thoughts). Thoughts should include as to how you may help or harm your significant others work with his/her program. Express your thoughts, communicate; ask questions more often than you make statements when it involves food and related things.

Be extra positive, encourage: praise the improvements, the good changes and accomplishments. Big people often have a poor self-image and self-esteem. It seems to go along with being obese. When they become smaller, most find that they need to develop a better self-image or the change will not be nearly as positive or as beneficial. We need to praise and be supportive way beyond what we might consider OK in order for it to make an impact. We need to be consistent in this - one day's or one week's praise and encouragement is not enough. It needs to become part of your daily pattern of behavior with him/her for years, if not for life. Many big people find difficulty in accepting praise; your mate probably needs to learn to accept praise better. This cannot happen if praise is not given.

Allow your significant other adequate space. We all need space, time to be alone, time to go out with others, to be ourselves. If you stifle your mate, are all over them, it may harm your relationship, even crush it. There is no harm in them occasionally going out with some pals for the evening. The main objection seems to be an illogical jealousy. As he/she becomes smaller, he/she will become more attractive; you may have to re-adjust to this just as others do with normal weight mates.

Work at relating - make and spend extra time together. Communication is the key to any successful relationship; it doesn't happen by itself. Especially as he/she becomes smaller, there will be more and different thinner meetings and related activities including their Support Group. Remembering where we have come from is what keeps us on track. The support groups help remind them of that and are enjoyable as well as instructive. They continue to grow this way; after "learning the ropes", he/she will help teach others and, by doing so, learn more and see things more clearly.

Support his/her meetings and related activities including their Support Group. Remembering where we have come from is what keeps us on track. The meetings help remind them of that and are enjoyable as well as instructive.

Take advantage of togetherness opportunities such as swimming, fishing, dancing, and walking together for exercise. As a person gets larger, so their world often gets smaller due to not being able to fit or being self-conscious about size. Since he/she has gotten smaller after surgery or through a weight management program, your shared world can become larger but you have to keep working at making it happen. It is wonderful to be able to do more things together. But, first we must get rid of those old patterns, old habits which limited us. We need to start fresh thinking about, and then doing, those things we haven't done for a long time.

Openly discuss your good and bad feelings with your significant other. As he/she has lost weight, things in your life and home have changed. As is normal for any human being, you have reacted to these changes. Worry, jealousy, insecurity are some of the natural reactions that people can have when things change. You need to be honest with yourself and think about how and what you feel and then openly discuss your feelings with your mate. It is sure better than bottling them up and perhaps being angry inside or losing your temper even when you do not want to. Only by sharing concerns can we find out just how groundless or meaningless they really are. If there is a real problem, it is best to find it out early so you can find a solution sooner.

Educate lay and medical persons concerning obesity and its effective management. There's a lot of prejudice and ignorance about obesity in all parts of our society. Share. There's a lot we can change if each of us consistently tries to do so.

Encourage regular follow-up visits & attend counseling together if necessary. By looking after the care of your significant other, you are looking after your future together. If problems arise between you, counseling may be recommended--if so, it is worth it.